A very typical love story

Nikki, a simple young lady with pure heart. Like many girls, she fell in love and got hurt.
   
 One night, at the Araneta Collesium.
     
         While Nikki was sitting and waiting for the concert to start, a young man that sits right next to her caught her attention. She couldn't explain what she was feeling that time and just stared at the young man. Several minutes had past, the concert was still not starting. The young man got bored and started a "one-question-one-answer" conversation with Nikki. He introduced himself as Billy. The concert was about to start and they needed to end their conversation, but they did not fail to get the each's contact number. As expected they got close as friends and eventually they had a romantic relationship. Since from the start of their relationship, Nikki told Billy that even though they are in that kind of relationship they are not allowed and they do not need to have physical contact like sex, kissing etc. At first, Billy respected and accepted what Nikki wants. Without having sex they could say that their relationship is stable. But as time goes by, as a liberated man, he got tired and decided to left Nikki. Of course Nikki got hurt and disappointed with Billy. This was why she lost her love for him.

-------------------------End of the story---------------------------

This experience of Nikki in her romantic relationship with Billy can be related with the theory of Altman and Taylor, the Social Penetration. 

In simpler explanation of Social Penetration theory (HONORS: Communication Capstone Spring 2001 Theory Workbook(February 14, 2001))

The Social Penetration Theory states that as relationships develop, communication moves from relatively shallow, non intimate levels to deeper, to more personal ones. The more time we spend with others, the more likely we are to self-disclose more intimate thoughts and details of our life. Epistimologically, this theory makes the statement that if self disclosure is high, then the relationship will develop. This "if-then" statement makes this a scientific theory. It gives way to "free-will" because people can choose whether or not to self disclose (time and manner). Axiolgically, this theory indicates that this behavior will take place regardless of values.

According to Altman and Taylor (1973 and 1987), penetration goes through a number of stages.

Using the love story of Nikki and Billy here is the explanation of each stages:

1. Orientation stage. Here, Nikki and Billy play safe with small and simple talk. They just had a "one-question-one answer conversation."

2. Exploratory affective stage. Billy and Nikki started to reveal themselves, expressing personal views about moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole truth as they were not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. This is the stage of casual friendship and many relationships do not go past this stage.

3. Affective stage. Now Nikki and Billy started to talk about private and personal matters. Criticism and arguments might arise. 

4. Stable stage. Their relationship now reached a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person. Criticism and arguments might still arise. There could be intimate touching, kissing and having sex at this stage. But unlike Nikki and Billy they never had sex but their relationship at that time was stable.

5. Depenetration. When the relationship started to break down and costs exceed benefits, withdrawal of disclosure which leads to termination of the relationship could appear. At the end of the story they both lost their love for each other because of some reasons.

Comment:

Social Penetration theory is not just for romantic relationships. It includes all kinds of relationship. Altman and Taylor compared people to a multi-layered onion. As people get to know each other, the layers "shed away" to reveal the core of the person. And also the theory seems to pertain to real world experiences.  However, Altman and Taylor abandoned several main factors that influence self disclosure. Gender, race, and ethnic background could greatly influence findings and may contribute to the rate at which onion is "shed."

Source/s: Anderson, R., & Ross, V. (1998). Questions of communication: A practical introduction to theory (2nd ed.). New York: St. Martin's Press. 

Social Penetration Critique (First Draft)

Anong karapatan kong mag- kritik ng isang teorya?

Sa totoo lang, pakiramdam ko wala akong karapatan dahil unang- una wala akong interes sa kahit anong teorya, pangalawa hindi ko pa lubusang naiintindihan ang teoryang aking iki-kritik  at sa aking pananaw hindi ko kailangang pakialamanan ang paniniwala ng ibang tao dahil panigurado maguguluhan lamang ako. Ngunit ako ay interesado na matuto kung paano magsulat ng maayos at matuto kung paano mag kritik ng tama kaya dapat lang na gawin ko ito. 

Social Penetration TheoryWhat is Social Penetration Theory? Social Penetration Theory asserts that as relationships develop person’s communication from superficial to deeply personal topics, slowing penetrating the communicators' public persona to reach their core personality or sense of self.(Source: Altman, I., & Taylor, D. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships)
In simpler explanation: The more time we spend with others, the more likely we are to self-disclose, more intimate thought and details of our life.

Penetration goes trough a number of stages.

1. Orientation stage. Here, we play safe with small talk and simple, harmless clichés like ‘Life’s like that’, following standards of social desirability and norms of appropriateness.

-Absolutely true! Fake friends? Maybe others? For sure, everyone or if not most of us (especially Filipinos) does this first stage a lot. We all want to have a good impression to everybody from the very beginning, so we’re interacting with them safely.

2. Exploratory affective stage. We now start to reveal ourselves, expressing personal attitudes about moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole truth as we are not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. We are still feeling our way forward. This is the stage of casual friendship, and many relationships do not go past this stage.

- I agree! Of course, we can never hide who we really are. Whether we like it or not, our real attitude (positive or negative) will be revealed sooner or later. In this stage we’re “sort of ” comfortable with each other and we have a little “guts” to express ourself.

3. Affective stage. Now we start to talk about private and personal matters. We may use personal idioms. Criticism and arguments may arise. There may be intimate touching and kissing at this stage.

-As the time goes by we’re already comfortable enough with each other. In this stage we already have the courage to share our private life with him/her even though sometimes they really don’t care. “There may be intimate touching and kissing at this stage.”- I can’t relate!!! I’ve no experience yet.”

4. Stable stage. The relationship now reaches a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person.

-Yes! Finally! All of us or if not most of us for sure will have a “friend” that would have a steady and strong relationship with us. Sadly, not all will come up to this stage because there are a lot of fake friends!

5. Depenetration. When the relationship starts to break down and costs exceed benefits, then there is a withdrawal of disclosure which leads to termination of the relationship.

- Not all will come up to this stage. Why? There’s a LIFETIME relationship! It’s hard to have one, but it exists! But wait, depenetration exists! There’s a lot of time that you can experience this stage. People change! Feelings change!

References: Anderson, R., & Ross, V. (1998). Questions of communication: A practical introduction to theory (2nd ed.). New York: St. Martin's Press. 

(I really need your help!!! I need food! I need your critiques! I want to be a healthy writer! Don't be afraid na i- correct ako. Sorry kung inechos ko lang to.) 

Depressed!

Morning selca or the very mainstream selfie! Just checkin'my face 'coz I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm so stressed depressed dunno what to do!!! I need to release this. I need to eat!! Ugh ice cream and chicken spaghetti, my comfort food. I need an inspiration! I need some Korean-ish thingy.

OMG! Speaking of Korean-ish, Dream Kpop Fantasy Concert 2 is coming! A lot of Korean idols are coming here!! Fudge fudge fudge that's already in February. Selling of tickets is coming very soon! My "iponing mode" is not enough yet. Huhu Eotteokke? What to do? I need to push this! I need to watch that concert. Hello, that's the only time that I can have fun to the fullest, that's the only time that I can escape from reality for a while.

Dearest Korean concerts in the Philippines, can you please calm down! Hahaha I can't make ipon for my South Korea tour!




Selca/Selfie number 2! Pumanget ba ko? Hahaha I'm such a weirdo!! Eh kasi naman I don't know how long I've cried last night. Fudge! My dad's doorbell-ing na. Hahaha it means I have to go down. Not now dad and mom I'm not ready yet to talk about what happened last night. I'm not ready! I don't want to talk about it now. I just want to unwind because it's Friday! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! Planning to have a TGIF night later. Hmmm NO! NO TIN! Control yourself! You're in a "IPONING" mode. For the love of Korea! Lol anyway I have to go! I neet to take an early shower coz I have an awesome period. Yes, it's awesome 'coz my puson is friendly for the first time that I don't need to take a pain reliever. Hoho Gaja! Annyeong! ♥