A very typical love story

Nikki, a simple young lady with pure heart. Like many girls, she fell in love and got hurt.
   
 One night, at the Araneta Collesium.
     
         While Nikki was sitting and waiting for the concert to start, a young man that sits right next to her caught her attention. She couldn't explain what she was feeling that time and just stared at the young man. Several minutes had past, the concert was still not starting. The young man got bored and started a "one-question-one-answer" conversation with Nikki. He introduced himself as Billy. The concert was about to start and they needed to end their conversation, but they did not fail to get the each's contact number. As expected they got close as friends and eventually they had a romantic relationship. Since from the start of their relationship, Nikki told Billy that even though they are in that kind of relationship they are not allowed and they do not need to have physical contact like sex, kissing etc. At first, Billy respected and accepted what Nikki wants. Without having sex they could say that their relationship is stable. But as time goes by, as a liberated man, he got tired and decided to left Nikki. Of course Nikki got hurt and disappointed with Billy. This was why she lost her love for him.

-------------------------End of the story---------------------------

This experience of Nikki in her romantic relationship with Billy can be related with the theory of Altman and Taylor, the Social Penetration. 

In simpler explanation of Social Penetration theory (HONORS: Communication Capstone Spring 2001 Theory Workbook(February 14, 2001))

The Social Penetration Theory states that as relationships develop, communication moves from relatively shallow, non intimate levels to deeper, to more personal ones. The more time we spend with others, the more likely we are to self-disclose more intimate thoughts and details of our life. Epistimologically, this theory makes the statement that if self disclosure is high, then the relationship will develop. This "if-then" statement makes this a scientific theory. It gives way to "free-will" because people can choose whether or not to self disclose (time and manner). Axiolgically, this theory indicates that this behavior will take place regardless of values.

According to Altman and Taylor (1973 and 1987), penetration goes through a number of stages.

Using the love story of Nikki and Billy here is the explanation of each stages:

1. Orientation stage. Here, Nikki and Billy play safe with small and simple talk. They just had a "one-question-one answer conversation."

2. Exploratory affective stage. Billy and Nikki started to reveal themselves, expressing personal views about moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole truth as they were not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. This is the stage of casual friendship and many relationships do not go past this stage.

3. Affective stage. Now Nikki and Billy started to talk about private and personal matters. Criticism and arguments might arise. 

4. Stable stage. Their relationship now reached a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person. Criticism and arguments might still arise. There could be intimate touching, kissing and having sex at this stage. But unlike Nikki and Billy they never had sex but their relationship at that time was stable.

5. Depenetration. When the relationship started to break down and costs exceed benefits, withdrawal of disclosure which leads to termination of the relationship could appear. At the end of the story they both lost their love for each other because of some reasons.

Comment:

Social Penetration theory is not just for romantic relationships. It includes all kinds of relationship. Altman and Taylor compared people to a multi-layered onion. As people get to know each other, the layers "shed away" to reveal the core of the person. And also the theory seems to pertain to real world experiences.  However, Altman and Taylor abandoned several main factors that influence self disclosure. Gender, race, and ethnic background could greatly influence findings and may contribute to the rate at which onion is "shed."

Source/s: Anderson, R., & Ross, V. (1998). Questions of communication: A practical introduction to theory (2nd ed.). New York: St. Martin's Press.